One Haute Mommy has been neglected for a few years. When I went back to work it was hard to keep up with this blog but I have really missed writing. Writing has always been a vent for me and by neglecting this blog, I was truly neglecting myself. However, tonight I feel the urge to write and I plan on continuing to write so brace yourself.
I have a confession to make...I
The ironic part is that I spent my life being "too skinny." "Do you eat?" "Are you anorexic?" These are questions that I was routinely asked for the vast majority of my existance. I actually went on "weight gaining" diets trying to put on a few pounds. I weighed between 90 to 107lbs on average. 90lbs was at my worst after my father passed away, I was extremely depressed. I weighed 107lbs when I became pregnant with my son in 2007. After giving birth I went down to 102lbs. In 2009, I became pregnant with my daughter and once again bounced right back to my beginning weight. I kicked the nasty habit of smoking cigarettes for good in 2009 and put on a few needed pounds. I was happy. My pregnancy with my daughter gave me an ass which I never had and I got my tits back (I lost them after giving birth to my son, seriously).
In November of 2010, my anxiety became really bad and I finally agreed with my doctor and went on anti-anxiety medication. I went on Paxil 20mg. Within a few weeks, I was feeling great and the anxiety was under control. I began putting on a little bit of weight but I looked great.
I got married in October of 2011 and loved the way I looked. My arms needed some toning but nothing major. I weighed approximately 135lbs on my wedding day.
What I failed to notice was that I was gaining 10-15lbs a year since being on Paxil. In 2012 I decided to get off of Paxil because I felt that I had my anxiety under control. It is a non-narcotic medication so I just stopped taking it cold-turkey when my prescription ran out. Three days later I was at the doctors sobbing like a baby. I felt like my brain was zapping. I was nauseous and my anxiety was insanely high. I cried easily and felt dizzy all of the time. The doctor explained to me that even though Paxil is a non-narcotic medication, you have to taper off of it to avoid unwanted side effects. I resumed taking Paxil immediately and felt better a couple days later.
Fast forward to 2013. At this point I am weighing 145lbs and I start researching. I learn that Paxil effects the metabolism and causes weight gain on most people. I learn that Paxil effects cortisol levels which can cause sugar cravings which I have every evening. I decided to do a slow taper over the course of 3 months. It goes pretty well, a few side effects but nothing major. I take my last dose and I am doing good. I was up for promotion at this time and was stressed but handling it well. Two weeks after stopping Paxil completely and I became a mess. One big anxious and depressed mess. I took a leave of absence from my job to try and get myself under control. After being off the medication for one month I lose 15lbs without changing my diet or exercising. My evening sugar cravings are gone. My doctor put me on a new anxiety medication however, I react badly to it and end up back on Paxil.
Fast forward once again to today. I weigh 165lbs. I started this new journey at 169 lbs so a 4lb loss so far, woohoo! I am using an app called "MyFitnessPal" and am counting calories. I have a fitbit and keep track of my steps.
I have managed to taper to 10mg of Paxil from 20mg and remain at 10mg for a year with NO SIDE EFFECTS! Hallelujah! My goal is to reach 140lbs and then I will go from there. I am going to do a 10% taper off of Paxil. I will taper 10% of my current dose per month. At this rate it will take me over a year to be Paxil free but it is proven to work by tapering at this slow and steady pace.
I have started eating cleaner and am learning a little bit more each and everyday. I am trying to make healthier choices. For example ground turkey instead of ground beef. I was doing 30 minutes on my treadmill daily but stopped for a while. I plan on adding that back in to my daily schedule.
I really want to start taking Yoga classes to help with both the weight and anxiety but I am so nervous. I am really insecure with my appearance and my strength but I know that I need to suck it up and go.
So my plan is to write about my weight loss journey. I will post before and after pictures and share what is working for me as well as what isn't working. I will be brutally honest as usual.
A couple current pictures of me. I would love to post pics of myself in work-out clothes but I am not ready for that yet so these are my "before" pictures.